Here’s a thing: in the books I’m working on right now, the ones set on Stormwrack where “Among the
Silvering Herd” takes place, catkind has been cursed. Cats live asea, on ships, and if they leave the protection of a ship, they. . . well, they simply keel.
This is an ecosystem management thing: cats can be incredibly destructive, because they’re such fantastically amazing hunters, and microclimates that lack them tend to evolve wildlife with no strategies for avoiding them. To which catkind says: So? Easy pickings for us, right?
Anyway, my books have this curse and I’ve been put on notice that I owe our feline overlords. So I’m making the blog available for the occasional royal proclamation.
First, a photo of Rumble, so we can all fall into that “Awww, so cute, so cute, I want to obey the fuzzy higher being!” frame of mind that is our proper state.
You there? Good!
This first one’s a media/propaganda thingie. Our feline overlords have wrapped their
adorable fuzzy heads around CGI (Connie Willis’s Remake helped) and have decreed
that the following changes will be put into effect with regard to the film classic The Wizard of Oz as soon as possible.
First, Dorothy will henceforth be a cat person with a cat companion. (Reply in comments, with head shots and reasons why, if your cat wishes to be considered for the role. Know, however, that Maru is a heavy contender.)
Toto is obviously a canine name, so the cat will be renamed Wow! (short for “Wow, you are so incredible, my feline overlord; I exist in a perpetual state of awe at your all-encompassing greatness!”) This way, instead of being obliged to watch Judy Garland scamper through the film bleating “Toto, Toto!” she can more appropriately see her cat
and go “Wow!”
All bad witches in the film are to be sparrow-sized. They will, furthermore, be dispatched by Wow. Glinda may escape this fate if she brings magic tuna and stays above reasonable pouncing height.
Cowardly what? You insubordinate monkey bastards! Cowardly Coyote from now on, thank you very much.
Scarecrow is, henceforth to be stuffed with catnip, and the Woodcutter’s ax will be replaced with a dangly toy. Because otherwise why are they in the thing?
The yellow brick road is to be lined with kibble and overstuffed chairs, and a strict napping protocol is to be observed on the journey.
Finally, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz song is to be retooled to reflect Wow’s central presence in the narrative arc. Feel free to submit possible lyrics; it may earn you points with catkind, though of course you’ll have to keep track of them yourself.
Please note that answers to your comments will be coming from Rumble and Minnow.
Xerxes wants Rumble and Minnow to know that he is available for casting. He will, however, require an extra-long Airstream trailer on set, with a supersized kibble dispenser, tame peacocks for him to chase, a full-time Furminator handler, and the scarecrow as his personal scratching post.
He adds, “Maru, Schmaru! I don’t need your stinking boxes.”
The felines of House Rumminnow note that Xerxes would make an excellent Wow!
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