A number of people claim to be part cat; a smaller number just obviously are. The former shows a proper sort of respectful adoration, in its way. However, our feline overlords have made it clear we can’t just go around making these claims for ourselves without some input from above.
Speaking of those who sit above, here are Toes and Zap of East Vancouver. Admire and obey!
Henceforth those of us who want to claim kinship with catkind must be approved. The approval process will be entirely arbitrary and possibly whim-driven, but here are a few things that may be taken into consideration when issuing licenses:
How many hours a day does the candidate spend napping?
How many smaller creatures have they killed this week, and who did they give them to?
Nobody expects a human to to lick their own chest hair or other, you know, regions, but overall how well groomed is the candidate?
On an average day if ten people ask the candidate to do things, how many of those things do they opt to do?
How would you describe their singing style: a) timid; b) tuneful; c) unabashed; d) Diva
What happens if you dangle a ribbon just beyond the candidate’s reach at, say, a staff meeting or awards ceremony? Do they just pretend it’s not happening, thereby showing concern for primate social considerations? (Hint: if so? Not a cat.)
Has this individual ever thrown up on the bed, moved over, and gone back to sleep?
As always, you are invited to submit other possible criteria for assessment, along with your arguments for specific individuals. The global feline conspiracy may read, shred, or snooze on these as it pleases.